Well it's been a long time, way too long, since I've posted anything here. In fact I'm surprised that my old blog is still functioning - but here it is. So, to any of you who follow my meandering posts, it's nice to be back.
Today's topic is guilt. That old chestnut has sooooo much to answer for, and it's especially a burden for mums. The mums I know are already pretty laden packhorses - so what's the point of adding this extra, toxic, guilt burden too?
I think for me the guilt seed was planted during my Catholic education. I do remember a lot of feeling bad for even thinking about doing something nice for thyself before doing it for thy neighbour, etc. And that young, impressionable Catholic child has taken guilt to heart. I might've shed lots of other aspects of the dogma, but the guilt one is sticky - like that gluey stuff on kids' toy packages that looks like snot and you can't get it off your fingers.
These days my religion is nature. And I'm finding it hard to see an evolutionary purpose to guilt, other than maybe to keep mothers from abandoning their offspring. But who's really doing that in our suburban world these days? I don't know any mums that are like the tigers at the zoo - you know: when the keepers have to take the newborns away and bottle-feed them. So what's the point of feeling bad about a coffee, or a solo movie?
People always say to mums of littlies: 'Take some time for yourself, it'll help you cope with all the hard, needy family stuff''. And I've always thought 'I'm sure that's true, but when?'; or 'Yeah, but the sobs from my kids because mummy wasn't here when they hurt their head/knee/face negate all the quiet internal bliss I might have felt from having a coffee on my own'. But you know what? Through trial and persistence, I've realised that they learn. They adapt. They cope.
By pushing through so that 'me time' becomes a semi-regular thing, the guilt burden fades. It just becomes what you do. I think it's a bit like when you first go back to work, and you can't imagine how they'll cope with that - but a year later you look back, and you realise they handle it just fine. It becomes just a part of what you do.
So now I think that any mum who takes time out for herself is actually teaching her kids that it's important to look after yourself. So you're doing good by them by doing good by yourself, And after the quiet time without someone pulling on your leg, your patience buffer has been refilled. And then you're a better mum. Win-win all the way home.
I know 'mumma guilt' is something people frequently write about and so it's not really new or miraculous - but the realisation that guilt can be dropped is new to me. The actual knowingness and practice of me-time-without-guilt is new. So I implore you all - if you haven't, try it. More than once. Make it a regular thing and you'll see the benefits.
PS I told my kids that the sign on women's toilets is a lady wearing a super-hero cape, and they totally believe me. Now I feel like it's a bit true.
