Happy birthday Gramps (more face cake)

Allirah, Reese, Ruby & Rory make Gramps' birthday cake

In the shadow of supermums

A fellow mother of a new bub and a toddler said to me today that she almost has a panic attack whenever she has to leave the house with both her kids. I knew exactly what she was talking about and I honestly felt better for hearing her say it. Hearing others admit that they're challenged by parenting makes me feel that I'm not alone. To the parents who think that no-one wants to hear you whinge, that it's not going to achieve anything, let me tell you that your complaining gives me permission to vent too. It lightens the load and it builds a bridge between us.

Admitting that parenting is hard and that you don't have all the answers may make you feel vulnerable, but I think it's actually a strong thing to do. It shows you're not afraid of condemnation from those dreaded supermums. And you know what, I honestly don't think 'supermums' actually exist. The sooner we all admit that, the sooner we'll all get out of the shadow we imagine that they cast. And if we eliminate supermums, then all the rest of the mums with all their vulnerabilities, move up to supermum status.

I relish honest complaining and I'm a big believer in the value of venting. So if my blog makes anyone think I'm a little post-natal, please don't. And if my complaining helps any other mums out there feel that they're not alone, then all the better.

And to my kids: it is my hope that, when you're old enough to read back on your mother's blog, it will be the norm for mothers to share the woes of parenting, as well as the joys. As I look at my little Bugalugs lying on the floor pulling his own hair and screaming because he hasn't worked out how to let go yet; and Monkey Boy trying to kiss his own chin better after he wacked it on the cupboard, my heart is filled with warmth and love. And there's no way I'd swap that for an easier trip to the supermarket.

How long does a gingerbread man last?

Ad came home from the bakery with a gingerbread man as a special treat, but our Monkey Boy freaked out when his dad bit its head off! And not just a little freak out, a total screaming inconsolable panic. Luckily his father had bought a second one and it was whipped out to replace the decapitated biscuit man. But now Monkey won't eat it, instead he walks around the house with his gingerbread man, 'cuddling it' and 'kissing it' (his words). It's only been two days, but how long does a gingerbread man last? Won't it go mouldy if we let him keep it for too long? We may have to do a switcherooney like some parents have been known to do when the goldfish dies. I'll keep you posted.



This pic of Bugalugs is totally unrelated to the gingerbread man story, but gratuitous cuteness (and Nanny wants lots of pics of the little fella while they're away).

Happy Birthday Daddy!

Puzzled?!?!

We have a young addict in our house. Monkey Boy has developed a fanaticism for jigsaw puzzles. He doesn't want to eat, or bathe, or sleep. He only has four puzzles but he'll do them over and over and over again, all day and all night (if we'd let him). He cries when I say "come on, we're going out" because he just wants to sit and do his puzzles. What does that suggest for our boy's future? Will he be one of those computer game players that sits up all night, wearing a nappy so he doesn't have to stop to go to the toilet? No! No!

The age of the neglected male?

I read an article in this weekend's Sun Herald magazine, entitled 'the invisible men' and it's given me food for thought. I couldn't post a link so I'll have to summarise: the article claims many men feel overworked and underappreciated. They'd like some recognition for what they do around the house, particularly as they feel 'hurried and harried', rushing from the school drop-off to a breakfast meeting, a busy day, then dashing home for baby's bath time, another night of broken sleep, etc, etc, etc. The article says, self-preservation is stopping the men from complaining - they say why bother when women are so quick to jump down their throats with "You weren't pregnant. You haven't breastfed for five months. I haven't slept for four years". So the men say they're just suffering in silence. All they'd like, the article claims, is some 'rightful recognition for their efforts' (which they say their hard-working female partners are receiving).

My first reaction to this article was a little like the one men are receiving when they complain: I felt my back arching and I wanted to rant about "oh, the poor men, it's so hard being able to go to work and listen to an adult channel on the radio, buy coffee, have an adult conversation, think about something other than nappies and grocery lists". Then I stopped for a breath, because I suppose this reaction is exactly what the men are talking about.

Reading further, the article pointed out a statistic that surprised me: in a 2006 ABS survey, men and women spent almost exactly the same number of hours a day performing professional, childcare and domestic tasks. That average was 11.44 hrs for men and 11.35 hrs for women. Now I know that neither my husband nor my day allows 12 hours of downtime, so this statistic must be skewed by men and women with older (or no) children. But I hear the message: obviously we're all feeling the pressure of modern life and it's leaving little room for words of thanks in either direction.

Whilst most female partners are probably not feeling very recognised for all the hard work they do at home, particularly with no boss to commend them on great work, we probably don't think about our menfolk suffering too. Sure there are articles in the media about how hard it is for modern women to juggle everything and very few articles on the plight of the poor neglected male, but I don't think the media coverage actually reaches anyone personally, and it certainly doesn't make the load any lighter. So yes, perhaps it's time to acknowledge that many men are contributing massively to raising kids and running a household, especially compared to previous generations of fathers. I don't know that the recognition is going to lighten the load, but at least it might make them whistle while they work a little (because the other thing that makes them chirpy is short on supply these days too).

So thanks Honey, I do appreciate you bathing the kids, taking out the recycling, putting out the bins, cleaning the cat litter, making the bed (yes I do notice), emptying the dishwasher, cleaning the kitchen after dinner, changing nappies ...................... etc. xxx

Nothing so under-rated as a good poo

I never thought I would open a nappy with the same anticipation as Charlie opening a Wonka Bar - is it in there?

Our poor little baby Bugalugs goes days (almost a week) without 'movement'. You can tell how long it's been by his mood: getting crankier and crankier as he gets further away from the last one. And the quirkiest thing is that he's stopped pooing in his nappies, preferring to wait until he's bare bottomed. Maybe it's something about the cool air. It had been a record 5 days so he spent most of yesterday's waking hours lying with his bum out and his mum begging him to let it all go. He weed on my foot, he weed on his own head, but he finally got the job done and is now a happy baby again. Ahh the minutiae of my life.